There comes a time in the course of human history when beings of sound mind, body, and spirit must put forth immutable laws whereby indibsputable ownership is established. This fundamental and foundational element of society shall forever and always be established under the mantle dibs.
We, the first Congress of Dibs, hereby establish the laws of dibs which all civilized people are obligated to abide and follow under excruciating penalty which can include, but is not limited to, exile, dismemberment, mean-name calling, and execution until dead.
Should someone so desire to own an object, land, or collection, they must first proclaim “DIBS!!!” in the sight of God and man for all to hear. The three exclamation points are mandatory or the dibs claim is null and void. At least one living, human witness must be present when this occurs. This person must be able to hear or be a notary public if it needs to be in writing.
In the event of a simultaneous dibzing, an impartial mediator shall be agreed to by all involved dibzing parties who can:
Dibs cannot be overridden by a subsequent Dibs as the sanctity of dibs is paramount and this would naturally undermine this most divine right.
As the right of dibs is considered a fundamental right of all people, it shall be considered to supersede any and all other claims of ownership, including but not limited to, written contract, bill of sale, state fair auction, etc.
A party who has claimed dibs may, at their own discretion, nullify their claim to dibs on an object, land, collection, etc. at which point it becomes available for others to claim. This must be done in good faith and cannot be coerced in any way or any subsequent dibs are considered null and void.
A claim of dibs is considered to be lifelong, does not expire, and cannot change hands unless specified in a legally binding will after end of life, excepting the situation as described in Article 5. If the deceased did not leave a legally binding will prior to his or her passing, all previous claims of dibs are considered expired as of the date and time of the previous dibs owner’s death and the item/collection is considered to be “undibsed” until dibs is claimed by a subsequent party.
Dibs cannot be claimed on any person or person(s) of legal adult age.This is ‘Merika. Forget about that. Seriously.
As for the provision of pets and minors, if a party already has guardianship and is providing care and shelter for the minor or pet, dibs cannot be called on said minor or pet. In the case of minors, that dibs is vacated upon the minor reaching legal adult age as they are then protected from dibs by Article 7.
In the event that a claim of dibs is disputed, the challenger must be able to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the claim is invalid or make seek an impartial mediator who will also be approved by the challenged party. This mediator may pass judgement on whether or not the challenge is valid. If, at any point, the mediator determines they are at an impasse and cannot determine the truth of the matter, both parties must give up all claims of dibs on the dibsputed item/collection permanently. Said item/collection then is subject to the rules of the undibsed. See above articles.
Only God has the right to claim dibs on everything.
A party may not claim dibs on dibs. The punishment for attempting to do so is punishable immediately by death.
The articles of dibs may not be changed by any claim of dibs on the ability to change the Articles of Dibs. Amendments or changes to the articles of dibs may only be made upon ratification by a two-thirds majority of the Congress of Dibs.
The only method whereby a party may join the Congress of Dibs, is by nomination by a current member of the Congress of Dibs. This nominee must then be ratified by a two-thirds majority of the Congress of Dibs. A party cannot in any way call dibs on a seat in the Congress of Dibs. This is punishable by being driven over by a zamboni with a Congress appointed driver/executioner at a rink of the Congress’ choosing.
Dibs is only valid as a means of claiming ownership and cannot in anyway be used to dictate the actions of other parties. This is stupid. Don’t try it.
Titles and positions may be dibsed in situations pertaining only to sports or games. They are valid only for the duration of that particular sporting event or game. They are non-transferrable and may be claimed by any party at subsequent sporting events or games.